This page provides the full text of the second issue of "ECM", the prototype for BLUNDERBUSS.
If anyone can identify which month this issue appeared, please contact the Editors.
You can explore the Blunderbuss archive here.
Contents of Issue 2
A small room somewhere in Farnham is approached by a mysterious figure wearing glasses. He puts the key in the lock then kicks the door down, and goes in. It's the Boss, David Phelan; known to his friends as Luigi, he is a man without scruples, although doctors have done their best with vitamin E tablets. Dave seats himself in his plush chair and waits.
Within a few hours the rest of the committee arrive: Geoff "Guitar" Whiting, and Arnie, Dave's right hand man, followed by Mick "the Knife" Mehta, his foot rest. Then Rosie the "Sec" arrives in her fishnet stockings and mini skirt. Dave takes his tablets and the orgy begins.
Geoff: Hey Boss, what's the "hype" on the disco set up?
Dave: McLaughlin's putting up a strong resistance but I think he'll crack under pressure boys.
Mick: I'll get him Boss! No-
Rosie: Cool it Mick babe!
(The rest of this meeting is not available for printing due to the alcohol shortage.)
After 3 hours in T2 only two of the committee are still awake -
Things are getting under the table way, cogs are in motion, and so are Rosie's legs. The meeting continues into the night. Arnie stops for a slug of whisky, Dave stops for a slug (Min's French recipe), and a slug stops for Mike. After 3 hours the E.C.M. emerges, some of them still wearing clothes. What have they achieved? Nothing. But do they enjoy it? "Not 'Arf!"
Arnie (Chairman)*, Rosemary Bowsher (Secretary)*, Min Hammerton-
* member of Council
DON'T FORGET .... THE EC SUGGESTION BOX IS IN THE MAIN FOYER. USE IT!!!!
A handsome young rodent named Gratian
As a lifeguard became a sensation
All the lady mice waved
And screamed to be saved
By his mouse to mouse resuscitation
Ogden Nash (6 Pkn/F)
Man: Waiter, can I have a roll with my tart?
Waiter: I'm sorry Sir, we don't do accommodation
"Living Together," the second of the Norman Conquests by Alan Ackbourn is, contrary to the opinion of the Farnham Herald, funnier than the first play. True, much more time is given over to the serious side of Ayckbourn's writing, but this enhances and strengthens the comedy of the whole.
The fact that the comic moments are rarer makes them much more worthwhile. To those of the audience who have seen the first play, certain events will be less funny in this, but more satisfying as loose ends are conscientiously tied up. There is, by the bye, a mistake in the programme. Scene 2 in Act 1 is Sat, 8pm, not Sun, as the programme says.
The end of the first Act is superbly funny. As the scene degenerates into chaos and the stage lights dim, it becomes clear that the play has been ably and finely directed -
As to the cast, they are, as before, faultless. Roger Davidson as Tom has the character so perfectly that one begins to wonder how much is acting ...!
The play runs until May 7th, and is very highly recommended, whether or not you have seen Table Manners first.
I am seriously concerned about a problem which, if not attended to soon, will probably besmirch the life of the college. I am speaking, of course, of the Red Peril.
By this I do not mean Man. Utd. supporters, but acne, or its more sever form: devolution. I have noticed this affliction among several leading students, who having been seen badger-
They should be condemned to a year's fly-
Yours very faithfully,
The bowling trip will be remembered by all who rolled on it -
Peter Hollands made his first mistake when he threw Alison Beel down the lane -
Tony Baines was compared to "Hutch" when he demonstrated his casual technique: so casual in fact that he dropped the ball during his approach run and did a double somersault with a two-
So, at 11.00 the wheels of the coach came to a halt outside the College gates ... and at 11.10 the rest of the coach arrived. All the passengers disembarked and only two were arrested; the other one got away. Thus another "fantastic voyage" was over and Mike Mehta never saw his trousers again.
Geoff Whiting and Martin Collier would like to thank Mrs. Walters for all the hard work she put in towards the production of the review. They would also like to thanks Mrs. Brown for all her help. Thanks also to both the psychiatrists and to the blood-
In recent years, it has become increasingly apparent that Spanish Currency is flooding the world due to the untiring efforts of a small group of Farnham College students. Mr B's Tutor Group have been hard at work using a converted Russell Hobbs kettle (backed with a year's guarantee) and an unlimited supply of chocolate for the coins. To date, they have not yet been traced by the Spanish Police, who have been searching certain premises in Castle Street for the past three years.
The scheme was masterminded by one L.B. who wishes to remain anonymous. The idea came to him after a Spanish holiday after which he found himself with a large quantity of unused money. He soon discovered a great demand for this on the BLACK MARKET (people didn't want to buy slaves with sterling). Likewise, a similar market was available for all things Spanish (ie Spanish omelettes, fly, Dry Sac, meatballs, eyes, policemen and Orson Welles). He was able to sell 1 cwt of pesetas to the kitchen staff -
Mr B's tutor group have requested me to insert an appeal into my article (as it were). While the manufacturing process is relatively inexpensive, involving as it does a converted Russell Hobbs kettle (backed with a years guarantee for parts -
Roving Reporter Gregory Kissinger
The Entertainments Committee would like to thank Mr. J.C. McLaughlin for his kind comments and encouragement in respect to the magazine. It is NOT however, we would point out, called Penny Dreadful (He may be confusing us with Penny Hazell, who, no doubt is also filled with good things).
THIS MONTH'S COVER WAS DRAWN BY Paul Dalton 6 Sc/L
WE GIVE 50p for each cover idea we print. Submit all ideas to Arnie.
WE STILL WANT YOUR IDEAS, AND YOUR CONTRIBUTIONS -
DID YOU KNOW that "David Allen" of the Borough, Farnham, willingly give a 10% discount to students of Farnham College (that's YOU schmuck)? Well they do!
Did you kNow that the average Frenchman sleeps with 11.8 women and the average Frenchwoman sleeps with 18 men? The Ents. Comm. proposes a survey ...
500,000,000 humans carry hookworm? Concorde's sonic bang is not as loud as Edinburgh's midday gun? It costs £2.50 pwk to feed alsations [sic] at Leicester Prison and £1.20 for a prisoner? Deoderants [sic] are used by 53% of men in the UK? To preserve conversation there is no Hungarian television?
Group of 27, including David, Howie and Wizzy, left Farnham station on Tues. 12th April. By train to Folkestone. Calm crossing of Cahnnel by ferry for all, except Pippa -
Wed. 13th. Penny's birthday. Most of us up at 4 in the morning to watch the sun rise -
Next day Florence was toured in separate groups, most people at some time in the day climbed up and then all the way back down the dome of Florence Cathedral, 1000 steps in all, although tiring it was worth it. The view of Florence was magnificent.
Sat 16th. By now in Folignio, plenty of food for those who liked pasta, POOR Colin! Wizzy given most interesting magazine (illegal in G.B. -
From Folignio visited Assisi, Perugia and for some a special Wizzy 99m/p/h tour of Rome. Here Stuart took a taxi from St Peter's to the station, costing him £2 while the others took a bus for only 7p! Meanwhile back in Assisi while on one of Howie's marathon walks David fell over, knocked Fiona down and they both rolled down the hill into an olive grove.
Now to Ravenna. Here some of us imbibed of the vines too freely, luckily with Italian wine you don't suffer from a hangover; however two of our group who will remain nameless i.e. Angela and Henry got lost on their way back to the hostel. HO HO they were so far gone that they didn't see the hostel right in front of them! Wizzy was accosted by an irate bus inspector for not buying a ticket. He managed to avoid a fine. Howie tired to help by saying "Non criminali" in reference to Wizzy, to the inspector, in his pseudo-
On to Venice. Four of us went on a gondola trip -
An interesting last night in Venice was had by all -
All too soon it was time to start the marathon 30 hour journey home, back through the Alps which now had less snow (and it poured rain) to Basel. Here we tried to cross the Swiss border but the French didn't want us either! Eventually by going through customs we got across, although James was searched by a Gestapo-
Despite the above most people did manage to fit in a considerable amount of legitimate historical sight seeing and enjoyed themselves!